


looking for an answer

by luftkommandant



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 07:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luftkommandant/pseuds/luftkommandant
Summary: theres an emptiness tonighta hole that wasn't there beforeand i keep reaching for the lightwhen i cant find it anymoretheres an emptiness tonighta hand he held that pulls me downthey say its gonna be alrightbut cant begin to tell me how





	looking for an answer

**Author's Note:**

> just a little break from drive
> 
> im rewatching the movies and Holy Shit im assigning lennox as everyones dad ok hes valid
> 
> anyway i cried over chester bennington today so have a lp songfic

It's been weeks since Bumblebee has come out of his recharge room. After the first few days, Ratchet brought him energon, but couldn't get him to leave. And after almost a month after Chicago and since Sam left, it's time for drastic measures.

“‘Bee?” Will calls, knocking hard on the door to Bumblebee’s room. “I’m coming in!”

It’s definitely not what he’s expecting. Bumblebee’s in there, yeah, but he’s curled into the corner behind his berth so that Will can only see the top of his helm and shoulders. “Oh, ‘Bee.” Will pulls the door closed, slowly walking around the berth.

Bumblebee looks up, shivering. “I’m… not… safe,” he whimpers, splicing together clips of someone that sounds like they’re about to cry. “Que,” he says in his own voice.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Will soothes, coming closer and watching Bumblebee carefully. “Do you want me to get Ratchet? Hound?” Bumblebee shakes his helm violently. “Do you want me to stay with you?” That gets a better response. Bumblebee nods gently, leaning towards Will.

“I want… Sam,” Bumblebee almost begs, “I want… Mikaela… I want… my friends.” He sobs once, heavily, some sort of liquid leaking from his optics.

“Is it okay for me to come closer?” Will asks. Bumblebee nods again, wiping his face with the back of his servo. Will slowly moves closer, watching for any tells that Bumblebee is uncomfortable, and gently sets one hand on Bumblebee’s leg. “You're safe now, the battle's over.”

“Sam,” Bumblebee states simply, choking back another sob. “I want… Sam.”

It takes a lot to not say  _ me too, kid _ . “I know. But he's not here. Are you sure you don't want Ratchet or someone? I think Judy might even be around.” Another negative helm  shake, and Will sighs. He doesn't quite know what to do with Bumblebee, but he knows what to do with shell-shocked soldiers. “How about you get in bed, huh? When's the last time you slept?” He isn't even sure Cybertronians sleep, but it's a start.

Bumblebee nods numbly and hoists himself up, swinging stiffly onto the berth. “ _ Oh, won't you stay with me? _ ” he croons, looking down at Will with pitiful optics.

And it's impossible not to give into that stare. “Fine. Lift me up,” Will relents, easily letting Bumblebee wrap a servo around his middle and lift him onto the edge of the berth. The Autobot curls up on his side, pulling a thin blanket over himself, and props his helm on his arm. Will sits down on the somehow soft metal mesh the second wave of Autobots brought from Cybertron, wishing he was wearing more than a t-shirt and jeans. “Hey, hey!” he yells as Bumblebee scoops him closer, slipping him under the blanket and right next to what has to be the world's third or fourth biggest space heater, right beneath some of the other Autobots.

It's comfortable, Will has to admit. He settles in a similar way to Bumblebee, one arm under his head and the other against his chest.

And now they're supposed to talk about their feelings or something, or maybe Bumblebee just wants the company. They both look at each other awkwardly, but Will is the first to break. “Look, I know with Sam leaving and Que… it's hard. No one's judging you for staying in bed. But you need to take care of yourself.” He feels Bumblebee flinch again, and closes his eyes.

“I want… to die,” Bumblebee warbles quietly after a minute. He shutters his optics, taking a deep breath.

It's not like Will hasn't heard a lot of that. He sighs. “It's okay. You've seen a lot of bad stuff. That's supposed to be normal,” he says.

One more huge sob that shakes the berth, and Bumblebee whines like a scared child. “Que… was my… best friend.” He buries his face in his arms, crying harder now, and Will presses one hand firmly to Bumblebee’s chest in an attempt at comfort. “I loved… Sam.”

And it clicks. Bumblebee isn't reacting like you would when you lose a friend, he's acting like you would when you get dumped by a long-time love.

“Oh, ‘Bee,” Will repeats, soft like he's talking to Annabelle after she has a nightmare. He climbs closer to Bumblebee’s face, awkwardly patting him on the cheek. “It's okay. It's okay to cry.”

“Why… he left me!” Bumblebee looks up at Will, tears in his optics, and shakes minutely. “I want… Sam… back.”

“People leave,” Will starts, knowing it's not what Bumblebee wants to hear. “They're allowed to. You think I haven't had girlfriends leave me? Seen friends killed in front of me?” He takes a steadying breath. “I know everything is terrible right now, but you still have your family and your other friends. They all— _ we all _ want you to keep fighting. You're going to make it.”

Those bright blue optics shouldn't be allowed to be that piercing. Bumblebee sniffles, and wipes his tears away. “Thank you,” he almost whispers in his own voice, still pained.

“Anything for a friend,” Will answers, smiling gently at Bumblebee.


End file.
